You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
