Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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