you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
