OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
