so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
How drunk are you?
Completed.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
