you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Less talking, more tequila
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
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