omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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