Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
