I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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