Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
