i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
did i walk over a car last night?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
