I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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