I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
