Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
