actually, I'm a sock model
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
