Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
