my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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