I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
