You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
