I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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