another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You made out with two different species that night
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize