even my farts smell like vagina
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
