We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
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