I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
