you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
