it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
