Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize