didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
