I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize