hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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