So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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