She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
