are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
