he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
