all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize