she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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