I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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