He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
