Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
