yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
