I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
