you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
