I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
