you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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