what day is it and did you see me today?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
