She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
