I am in a vortex of obligation.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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