I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
