Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
