I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
