I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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