Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Don't EVER smell your tampon
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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