ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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