I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
