haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
