I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
