reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
