By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
