I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
