Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
