He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Randomize
