I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
