Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
