You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
