Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
