I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
