i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
