About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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