with your own penis?
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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