I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
