Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
